If you’ve ever gone to try out a horse, only to discover there’s a fairly large gap between the animal described and the animal actually being sold, then you’ll need our helpful translation of what commonly used terminology in horses for sale adverts actually means…
If the advert says: A bit green…
…it really means: Freaks out when you put your leg on
If the advert says: Never sick or sorry…
…it really means: Just ill and apologetic
If the advert says: Sold from the field…
…it really means: It’s in there somewhere, but nobody’s been near it in years
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If the advert says: Broodmare prospect…
…it really means: Unrideable, poor conformation and unsound, but in possession of a womb
If the advert says: Forward-going…
…it really means: No brakes
If the advert says: Easy to do in every way…
…it really means: So long as you can catch it first
If the advert says: Good doer…
…it really means: Enormously fat
If the advert says: For sale through no fault of his own…
…it really means: It’s not his fault his owner’s too scared to go anywhere near him
If the advert says: Ill health forces sale…
…it really means: The owner is in traction after being bucked over a hedge
If the advert says: Bombproof…
…it really means: Can’t jump or do dressage so the best bet is a happy hacking home
If the advert says: Completely bombproof…
…it really means: Never moves. Ever
If the advert says: Has hunted…
…it really means: Once, back in Ireland, by some incredibly brave soul
If the advert says: Not a novice ride…
…it really means: Total psycho
If the advert says: Good dressage prospect…
…it really means: Can’t jump
If the advert says: Always in the ribbons…
…it really means: Won the egg-and-spoon race as a five-year old. Well, the owner did. And she wasn’t actually riding a horse at the time
If the advert says: Four correct paces…
…it really means: And a whole bunch of really weird ones
If the advert says: Always works in an outline…
…it really means: Just a shame the outline in question is that of a cow